Thoughts Regarding Nostalgia and the Process of Growing Up

“What you end up remembering isn't always the same as what you have witnessed.”  A few years ago, I heard this quote which I eventually learned came from Julian Barnes’ The Sense of an Ending.  It stuck with me because I have come to realize that it’s a succinct statement about life.  Selective memory is a constant in most people’s lives and there are two fine lines between being stuck in the past, focusing on the present, and worrying about the future.  In my opinion, living a successful life means being able to maintain perspective on these aspects through your memories, experiences, and expectations. 

 

What got me thinking about this topic was, randomly yet I guess fittingly enough, by watching The Wonder Years (1988-1993) on Netflix for the first time ever.  Growing up, my family opted out of cable so I never ended up watching much of what is now considered quintessential 90’s television.  I had never seen an episode of Boy Meets World until last week; I recently learned that several famous comedians got their start on All That, and I honestly never really liked Hey Arnold all that much.  I wasn’t so deprived that I didn’t get to experience Batman, Pokemon, Kids WB, Toonami, and One Saturday Morning, but I really do have a lot of catching up to do when it comes to most classic Nickelodeon shows. 

 

For those of you who haven’t seen The Wonder Years like I had, here’s my summary of it.  Filmed in 1988 and set in 1968, the show follows Fred Savage’s somewhat precocious, yet consistently self-centered Kevin Arnold through the rough formative years of junior high/high school.  Major themes of life development are tackled throughout the series’ run, with first loves, death, popularity, teen angst, maturity, and immaturity being especially recurring in each episode.  As someone who is now outside the age range that the show spans, I can look back and relate (and also laugh incredulously at how much of a selfish ass Kevin acts like in almost every single episode) to the different developments of life that shaped my opinion of the world today.

What ended up striking me most about viewing The Wonder Years for the first time was how purposefully nostalgic the show is, and thus imbues the same look into the past for its viewers.  The opening credits of every episode show home videos of the fictional Arnold family playing in the yard, barbequing, and hanging out circa 1987.  By the time you get to the series finale in 1993, you realize you’ve watched Fred Savage and his child coworkers grow up in front of your eyes (in my case, in the span of three weeks) and I started to relate this back to my own childhood.  

I am now an employed college graduate with only an educated guess about how the next two decades will turn out for me.  All of my friends are either starting college, deciding what to do as a first job, or settling into the first few years of their careers.  One of my last links to childhood, my two youngest siblings, are starting to get past the innocence we’ve all felt as kids and it’s a little bittersweet to realize.  As I say all of this though, these developments and realizations are what get me excited for the future.  There are always more experiences, expected and unexpected, to check off your life list and having kids of your own will allow you to live your childhood again vicariously through them.  I’m going to be extremely annoying/precise and say that The Lion King was correct in that life is a circle and we get to relive our memories through each new generation while also focusing on our present and future opportunities.  This might be a subconscious understanding that lies within all of us, but I’m really enjoying developing a full understanding of nostalgia’s place in life.

Wrapping up all of this, I want to make one last note on nostalgia as it relates to the quote that I started this whole thing with.  The most miserable parts of life aren’t always going to be the ones that define you and stay with you.  Here's an example: hospitals will most likely have negative connotations and memories associated with them, but they’re also (normally) the places where we are brought into this world.  Being made fun of, failing a test, getting dumped/being in a less than ideal relationship, or not getting the job you thought you wanted are not going to be the things that you look back on.  You’re going to remember the people you had fun with, succeeding beyond your craziest expectations, finding the perfect person to be in a relationship with, finding contentment and reward in your job, and raising a family that you’ll always be proud of.  That’s what you’ll end up remembering at the close of life and that’s exactly what I can’t wait to witness in my life.   

Thoughts Regarding Sexual Orientation/Gay Marriage

A prevalent topic in our culture today, I legitimately cannot believe that it has taken this long for homosexual, bisexual, and transgender to start getting the basic human rights they absolutely deserve.  In a country where life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are literally written into one of our founding doctrines, we have a pretty bad track record at making sure our citizens achieve that pursuit of happiness.  I am from the Midwest which I guess still has a fairly significant population that believes that LGBT people affect their regular way of life, but I can’t wait for Ohio, the state I grew up and live in, to join the curve and provide a more social equality for all.

As I've noted before, I am straight and am looking forward to having an amazing family one day akin to the one I grew up with.  I don't think I know enough about the world/science yet to know whether or not a person can be born gay and then become straight, or vice versa, but I’m sure science will answer me soon enough.  I say this, in part because of an interview I read with the Hunger Games actor, Josh Hutcherson, who is also a spokesman for a movement called, “Straight But Not Narrow.”  He said a quote along the lines of “I would probably list myself as mostly straight.  Maybe I could say right now I’m 100 percent straight, but who knows? In a f--king year, I could meet a guy and be like, Whoa, I’m attracted to this person.”  I completely understand that sentiment.  Love, or attraction, isn’t set in stone and 3.5 billion people on this planet are the opposite gender of what you think you prefer.  Don’t be narrow-minded in telling yourself who you could or couldn’t love, and especially don’t be narrow-minded enough to tell someone else who they should or shouldn’t love.  

The marriage part of this whole thing is what makes me the most irritated.  Let me see if I can write this out clearly.  Fact:  Marriage is a word.  Webster defines it as “the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife.” Okay, great, so in accordance with that definition and how this simple word takes its place in religion, LGBT people should not follow this particular way in achieving their goal of living a normal, happy life like the rest of us.  They should choose a new word, like “union” or “convergence” or make up a word like “quallaruma” and define it as “the formal union of a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, or whoever you love with whoever you love, typically recognized by law, by which they became a loving entity.”  If the concept of marriage is what is going to put people in arms about these basic rights, then let’s just make sure something like a civil union is actually in equal standing with marriage.  These people are people who deserve the same rights and benefits as married couples and the religious aspects surrounding the word marriage should not be the factor that determines a human being’s personal happiness.

There are two common arguments against gay marriage that I would also like to address real quick.  People tend to argue that allowing same-sex marriages to happen would weaken the sanctity of marriage.  This is coming from a country that literally spends hours upon hours watching trash like “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” where it is not uncommon for a Kardashian sister to end a marriage within 72 days.  We also tend to get caught up in TV dramas/real life dramas with our friends where cheating, fights, lies, and betrayals make for some good conversation with our coworkers or friends.  This kind of fits in with the other common argument against gay marriage where allowing same-sex marriages could give in to a slippery slope which will transform our society into one that partakes in polygamy, bestiality, incest, and the like.  I really hate hearing someone compare a love between two humans to a “love” between a human and an animal, but that’s just me.

One other argument I've heard is how gay marriage isn't in the Bible and therefore shouldn't be allowed in any church.  Well that's fine, because I would love to keep stoning women if they look at me wrong or killing my neighbors over our shared crops (For the record:  I don't want to stone women or kill my neighbors).  The Bible doesn't mention gay marriage because it reflected the culture of the time.  We are in the culture of the 21st century and I really don't think there's a God that says people can't love who they want and be happy.  Also for the record, religion is a weird subject with me for reasons I need to come to grips with on my own so I'm not pretending at all to be an expert on all this, but I'm pretty sure the basic theme of religion is that God loves all his children and doesn't choose favorites (as in heterosexuals). 

I really like my generation for typically being pretty chill about all of these huge social revolutions that really are not that big of a deal.  In very broad strokes, the following are examples of conversations I’ve witnessed between fellow human beings.

You’re a woman who wants to be intimate with another woman?  Cool, glad to hear things are going great for you! 

You want to adopt kids with your partner so you can lovingly raise them as well or better than you yourself were? Awesome, where are you thinking of adopting from? 

Someone gave you crap for being who you are?  They are an idiot because you are one of the best people I know.  

Hearing people have this mindset about such a simple, yet complex, topic in our society gives me hope for the future.  I personally cannot wait to see what the next few decades usher in once my generation and I are in positions of power to make change.  But in the meantime, we can wait happily as long as we are being decent people to our fellow human beings.  In conclusion, putting yourself into someone else’s shoes is really the real solution to overcoming any kind of discrimination.  People love who they love and it really is not up to you to tell them otherwise.  Try your best to be a little more considerate of those who aren’t being fully accepted into society, and soon enough society will catch up with ya! 

Thoughts Regarding Social Media

I was born in 1992, so my memories of technology growing up consist of VCRs, Walkmans, Windows 95, cord phones and car phones, and floppy disks.  I remember memorizing close relatives’ phone numbers, being kicked off the internet if a phone call was being expected, and the burgeoning use of instant messaging which introduced the world to some extremely embarrassing screen-names.  I consider myself to be in the last generation that lived in a time where technology was a cool addition to life, but did not need to be a part of our every waking hour.   

We live in an age where we have access to information that our parents, and their parents, never dreamed of growing up with.  Gone are the days where if you took a wrong turn driving that you had to pull off road and hope that your map or a stranger knew where to point you.  Kids with a smart phone no longer need to rely on their parents to teach them fundamental life skills, because there are several hundred internet boards providing thousands of opinions on how to cook a grilled cheese.  People even have a direct venue to their favorite celebrities through Twitter or Facebook, and can now base their daily happiness on if they get a retweet from someone as morally bankrupt as Justin Bieber.  My mom has told me that she cannot imagine what she would have done if she could have been in contact with Paul McCartney back in the Sixties, and I cannot imagine wanting her to imagine those tweets.  

Yes, technology and, in extension, social media has completely changed the way people view the world now and it has also changed the way people communicate with each other.  People are now accustomed to the quick text of “How r u?” or “luv u honey” as a way of communicating with their friends, family, and loved ones and, aside from the lack of grammar skills, it is a bit disturbing to me of how much stake people put into constant communication.  You shouldn't have to be in constant contact with people for them to know you care about them or want to hang out with them.  Keep it simple and to the point so that your in-person interaction is the substance of your friendship or relationship. 

Facebook and Twitter are two things I am extremely fascinated by.  As a precursor, at the time of writing this, I only use Facebook for my online presence.  I do not have a Twitter for the reasons that I do not think my life is interesting enough to tweet about constantly and because it could give me one extra thing to stare at on my phone instead of enjoying my real life.  Who knows?  Maybe I’ll have a Twitter eventually so that my two followers will get updates on what sandwich I’m eating for lunch with the accompanying #hashtag that I would add to all of my tweets.

  

It is very arguable that social media is a way for fundamentally savvy people to mold their image positively online and I, personally, have previously taken great interest in observing Facebook friends who I believe actively make themselves out to be a better version than they are in person.  That is not to say that they are not good people in real life, but the lengths people will go to in order to get a lot of “Likes” or comments is absolutely intriguing to me.  Science has proven that humans receive happy stimuli when they see the notification alert on Facebook and whatever it is Twitter alerts you with, and I completely understand that, but to what extent are we losing ourselves in real life as we augment our virtual one?  Do your own thing online and don't let the potential thoughts of others be the driving force behind your decisions.  It's not healthy and it's not as sneaky as you think it is.

  

In defense of our growing social media, though, I absolutely love the fact that it really can be used for good.  Seeing a friend’s post online regarding his or her recent engagement does make me legitimately happy for them and I can send a private message online wishing them the best even though he or she lives halfway across the country and I have not seen them in half a decade.  An online reposting of a notice for an unmarried, supposedly friendless veteran’s funeral can bring together a thousand people to pay their respects for the unsung hero.  Personally, I think I overuse the Facebook "Like" button compared to most people because I am legitimately enjoying whatever it is my friends are posting. The simple connections through Facebook are what make me stay on it, and I wish that everyone recognizes the good that can come from a strong online presence.

Overall, I think social media is a positive milestone in human development but, as Uncle Ben said before he was killed, "With great power comes great responsibility." Don't misuse the ability to tweet at your favorite band, or make a Facebook status for your friend's page that says "I love smelling my own poop."  Just play it as cool online as you play it in real life and I promise you that you'll be happy.

About Me

Hi, my name is Alex Polivka and the point of this blog is to share my thoughts on life so that maybe you might read a perspective you may not have considered before.  I’m sure this is probably the 653, 289, 432^nd blog ever posted on the internet, but that just means there’s 653,289,431 ideas out there that I haven’t gotten to consider yet and I apologize for taking up this portion of the internets.

The basics about me are:  I’m the oldest of five children.  I’m from Cincinnati, Ohio.  I graduated from the Ohio State University in May of 2013 with a BA in International Studies and two minors in Russian and Economics.  I am happy to say I am employed in a job that doesn’t have me smelling like food all the time.  Running makes me feel good.  When it comes to politics, I vote for candidates whose policies and backgrounds are ones I’ve researched and can relate to.  When it comes to religion, I was raised Roman Catholic and consider religion to be a good influence for a lot of people.  When it comes to my orientation, ethnicity, and gender, I am a straight, white, incredibly handsome male.  My main goal in life is to have a family that makes me as happy as my family was growing up.  That may sound extremely cheesy and too weird to hear a college-aged kid saying, but I know that’s what will make me happiest one day.

The Irish Soup part of my title hopefully isn’t as ridiculous as it sounds.  My parents created their email account under that name years ago because my mom is Irish and our family name (Polivka) apparently translates to soup in Czech.  We have an old Czechoslovakian soup bowl lying around our house somewhere to prove it.  I also really liked reading the Chicken Soup for the Kids’ Soul stories when I was growing up, so this is my little dedication to that influence on my childhood.  I am also not that creative as evidenced by the fact that I just mirrored this idea from two different sources so please bear with me.

I decided to put myself on the internet in this capacity because it’s 2013 and I can.  I don’t mean for that to seem arrogant or bullheaded or something; I recently came to the conclusion that people with ideas and thoughts can make a difference (weird, I know) and that it is so easy to share those ideas and thoughts in this day and age.  My voice matters just like the voice of each and every single other person on this planet, so why not put myself out there and see what comes of it?  I also think I communicate my real feelings better through writing than through speaking so I don't think I'll be too awful at this.

I created this blog back in the summer of 2011 for a study abroad trip to Russia I went on.  Feel free to read through the old articles if you are at all interested in learning a little bit about life in Russia’s two largest cities and learning about my numerous culture mishaps.  Russia is an amazing country and it is really worth traveling to or studying if you have the opportunity.

Being completely honest with you, I do hope that what I write on here does leave a small imprint on you.  I really think it’s hard in today’s world to take into account other people’s opinions and feelings with the fast-paced, constant updates that technology provides us with.  My parents taught me to put myself in other people’s shoes and what I write on here is an accumulation of thoughts stemming from my observations of the world we live in.  You can agree with me.  You can disagree with me.  You can be annoyed at everything I’m writing.  You can let me know if something really resonates with you.  At the end of the day, this is just me trying to see if my thoughts are all that different from the rest of the world, but I wouldn’t mind it being a little more than that.  

 

Enjoy, and if there is ever a topic you want me to write about, don’t hesitate to tell me to write about it!  I don’t mind receiving free suggestions when my mind is already struggling to be creative.